Whatever It Takes
by Mac-alicious
Summary: I'll keep us together, whatever it takes. [songfic Lifehouse's Whatever It Takes]


A/N: Okay this is the last thing I had to type up. Songfic obviously. The song is by Lifehouse and I thought it fit DHr perfectly. It didn't turn out exactly as I had imagined it in the beginning but it's okay. Um, well enjoy! R&R! Thanks. –Mac

Disclaimer: I don't own HP…but oh how I would love to…. 

**Whatever It Takes**

_A strangled smile fell from your face_

_It kills me that I hurt you this way_

_The worst part is that I didn't even know_

Draco came home to suitcases and shipped at that by the front door. He stepped further into the living room, his chest tight with worry and uncertainty. His breathing quickly and as he caught sight of his fiancée sitting on the couch illuminated in the dim firelight, waiting. Another step closer and she turned to him. Gone was her constant, never wavering smile, and in its place were silent tears trailing their way down her cheeks. The pain that reflected in her normally rich, warm eyes, struck at his heart.

He hated to see her hurting and from the way she tensed when she felt his presence told him it was something he had done. The fact that he wasn't aware of what he had done made him feel as if his heart had been ripped from his chest. When the intensity of her gaze became too much, he adverted his eyes, turning them to the floor. He didn't even know what he had done and he felt ashamed.

"'Mione," He began but he couldn't find his voice enough to continue.

"I'm leaving, Draco. I'm going to my parents, until I can find my own place. I'm sorry; I just can't live like this anymore." Hermione had stood and moved around the couch so that she was standing in front of him. She wiped her tears away and headed for her suitcases.

Draco caught her arm, careful not to hurt her, and caused her to stop her movements. "That's all I get? 'You're leaving'? No reasoning? Just I'm out of here, end of story?"

"Draco, don't make this any harder than it has to be."

"Make it hard than it has to be? You're walking out on us without a word of explanation and I'm making it harder? Gods, Hermione, we can figure this out if you just talk to me." Draco pleaded.

"There hasn't been a 'we' or an 'us' for a long time. My heart can't take the pain of that anymore." Hermione shook her head and reached up with one hand to push his hand off her arm.

"'Mione, you know I never want to hurt you. If I had known…"

"That's just it. You _should _have known!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Okay, I'm not here when I should be. Just tell me what I did wrong. I'll change. Just please don't leave." Draco resented the desperation in his voice.

"No, it's not that you're not here. It's that you _are_ here. You're here, but you might as well be a million miles away for how close I feel to you." Hermione cried, fresh tears shining in her eyes.

Draco watched her, unable to turn away, but unable to stomach the pain and sorrow in her features. He knew they had been distant for quite some time, but he had never thought it would come to this. He had found all their problems resolvable, without ever having to go to this extreme.

_Now there's a million reasons for you to go_

_But if you can find a reason to say_

"Look Hermione, I know I'm not perfect. I know _we_ haven't been perfect—we have our problems. But we can get past this…I know we can. You may have your reasons to go…I can't blame you for that, but if you have any part of you that says you want to stay. If you have anything left in your heart for me…Don't go. Please don't go. We can do this. We can. I can feel it." Draco rambled. He hated that he was begging, it wasn't in his nature to ever be that out of control, but if anything he said helped to keep her he would do it. His heart couldn't stand to lose her. "I love you, and if you still love me then we can do this. We can survive this…"

_I'll do whatever it takes_

_To turn this around_

_I know what's at stake_

_I know that I've let you down_

_And if you give me a chance_

_Believe that I can change_

_I'll keep us together whatever it takes_

Hermione shook her head, closing her eyes against her tears. She wasn't expecting him to fight so hard, after all he was the one drawing away from her, not the other way around. The tortured sound in his voice was breaking her heart even more than leaving him was. She couldn't take much more before it shattered—irreparable—that's why she had decided to end things.

"No, Draco…I can't…" Hermione choked out through her tears, unable to form a coherent sentence.

"Hermione, 'Mione, please. I'll do anything." Draco stepped closer to her, reaching out to touch her but deciding against it at the last second and letting his hand fall. She looked so fragile, as if one touch and she would break apart. "I can't lose you. Give me a chance and I'll change. Whatever it takes to make this work….I'll do it."

"I love you Draco, I do…and if I thought this could work, that you could change, I would…"

"I can change! For you, I could do anything." Draco responded, his voice thick with emotion.

"It's just…so hard to believe." Hermione sighed, and her shoulders sagged in defeat. "I want to believe you, but…"

"Tell me what I have to do. Just say the word and I shall do it. I mean it 'Mione, whatever you want." Draco interrupted her, not wanting her to finish the sentence. He couldn't hear it, it would break him.

_She said "If we're gonna make this work_

_You gotta let me inside even though it hurts_

_Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"_

_She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be_

_You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"_

"You've closed yourself off to me Draco, you don't let me in. You say the words, but I can't feel them. I can't believe them. That hurts so much Draco, you can't imagine." Hermione began, "In the beginning it was wild and passionate and full of love. But then we settled down. And I have to admit I never imagined settling down being like this. It's supposed to be contentment and satisfaction and all I've gotten is heartache.

"I give so much of myself to you, and I get nothing in return. I can't live like that. I can't start each day wondering what you're feeling, what you're thinking. You say you love me, but I can't help but wonder if you mean it. I can't read you like I used to…

"It's like there's a part of you missing. A part that I can't see or have. See, you have all of me: mind, body, heart and soul. But I don't have all of you. There's a part of you that you keep to yourself. I can't live without that part of you—because it makes me feel like I can't trust you. I can't wonder what you're hiding from me, wonder what your reasons are, wonder what could be so horrible that you have to keep it from me: your fiancée, your supposed best friend and love of your life. You can't say you love me and have me believe it, when I know there's something you aren't telling me.

"Whatever part of yourself that you're hiding away, you have to share it if you want this to work."

Draco took a little while to respond, but when he did it came in a burst of emotion, "You don't understand! There are things I can't say! Things I can't tell you!"

"Why? Why can't you tell me?" Hermione came back with just as much heartbreaking emotion lacing her words. She took Draco's hands in her own as she continued. "Make me understand."

"There are things, dark things, that you don't need to see."

"But I do need to see. I need to see your past. Our pasts are what make us who we are. Without our pasts, we can't possibly have a future. We have the rest of our lives for our futures, and eventually the past won't matter anymore." Hermione shook her head; she made to continue but was interrupted.

Draco had cut her off, "The things I've seen, the things I've done, they are things your innocent eyes have no business seeing."

Hermione scowled, "My eyes are no more innocent than yours."

"You never had to see your mother murdered at the hands of your father. You never had to see a man tortured to insanity over a trivial disagreement. You were never beaten because your father had a bad day, or you didn't receive top marks, or you lost a Quidditch match. You were never forced to embrace dark magic of a master you had no reason to be loyal to." Draco ranted on. "The things my father had done, the things he made me do. You can't even imagine such things."

"No, I haven't. But I've watched friends fall under the wands of Death Eaters. I've seen mother, daughters, sons, fathers, brothers, sisters, families torn apart by a war that never should have begun in the first place. I've seen my share of pain and suffering and death, and I've survived. And I've always carried a little bit of hope along with me." Hermione spoke calmly in response. "We all have parts of us that are broken. But we have to learn how to heal them or accept them, so we can move forward. You have to accept who you are: your past, your present, your good and evil. If your love for me is ever going to mean anything, you have to love yourself first.

_I'll do whatever it takes_

_To turn this around_

_I know what's at stake_

_I know that I've let you down_

_And if you give me a chance_

_And give me a break _

_I'll keep us together, I know you deserve much better_

_But remember the time I told you the way I felt_

_That I'd be lost without you and never find myself_

_Let's hold onto each other above everything else_

_Start over, start over_

Draco's mood suddenly turned somber, almost resigned. "My mother was the only one who ever showed me any affection. It was never enough, never unconditional love, but it was something. Something I didn't have from anywhere else. I cherished it. I didn't know at the time, but I clung to it. I didn't realize how much I took it for granted until it was too late.

"I can remember her screams so clearly. But, strangely, what I remember most is the silence after the screaming stopped. It was a cold silence. A dead silence. I remember the grotesque pain that etched itself into her features. I could hardly bear it, but I didn't dare flinch or look away. And I remember being frozen, my eyes locked on her pale, oddly peaceful, face.

"My father tortured my mother to her last breath all because all because she wanted to protect me, because she went to shape for help, because she hadn't allowed me to succeed or fail on my own. And the tragic thing is, it was all for nothing. Snape would have helped me whether or not my mother had come to him or not. He did it out of loyalty to Dumbledore, not just out of fear of death. My mother died in vain. There was no reason behind it."

"There wasn't a lot of reason in anything Voldemort brought about." The name was still foreign on her tongue, but it had been long enough that if no longer carried fear with it. Hermione watched Draco's eyes and realized it was something different all together, "It's the guilt then, isn't it?"

Draco nodded, to Hermione _and_ his surprise, "I could have done something. I could have stopped it and I didn't. One little flick of my wand and it would have been him instead of her."

"I don't think you could have done that. No matter how horrible he was, he was your father, your flesh-and-blood." Hermione reasoned. "Besides, you can't blame yourself for his actions."

"But I was there! It never should have happened." Draco exclaimed.

"No, it shouldn't have, but we can't change that it did."

"Did you remember the first time I told you that I loved you? That I couldn't go on without you?" Draco paused to allow her to answer. Hermione nodded, not trusting your voice. "You know I meant it. I meant it then and I mean it now. I kind of have to accept the evil in my past because it made me who I am, it brought me to you. If I hadn't lived through all the terrible things, the light in you wouldn't have made me want to change. _You _gave me the potential to change."

_I'll do whatever it takes_

_To turn this around_

_I know what's at stake_

_I know that I've let you down_

_And if you give me a chance_

_Believe that I can change_

_I'll keep us together whatever it takes_

"You believed in me when I said I could change. You believed when no one else would." Draco continued.

"You chose your side." Hermione whispered. "You turned your back on the darkness and never turned back. I had nothing to do with it."

"You have everything to do with it!" Draco exclaimed. "Don't you understand how easily I could have slipped? I was scared and weak, and as far as I was concerned I had nothing left to lose. Until I had you. I couldn't lose you, so I worked harder to feel the light. I couldn't lose you to the darkness.

"But even now that the darkness has dispersed from the world, you are what I have to live for. Only you." Draco sighed. "If you believed me then, you can believe me now. I _will_ change."

"Draco…"

"I will."

"But…"

"_I will_." Draco commanded firmly.

"I don't know. I just don't know." Hermione said her voice low.

"Hermione, I know that I've hurt you…you can't imagine how sorry I am that I did. But give me a chance and I promise you that I'll try my hardest to never make you feel this way ever again."

"I didn't want to leave." Hermione sighed. "You don't know how much I wanted to stay, to be with you even if you weren't truly with me. But that was asking for a broken heart. And deciding to stay now would be opening myself up to it all over again. I don't know if I can…"

"You took a risk on me then and I'm asking you to take one on me now…I promise you won't regret it." Draco replied. "''Mione, please…"

After a long pause, Hermione spoke two words. Two words that would ease the tension in Draco's body. Two words that would draw the sadness out of his eyes. Two words, two small words that made a huge impact on their futures.

"One chance."

"One chance." Draco repeated.

"You get one chance, that's all. If you mess it up…you're out of my life for good. I love you Draco, I don't want to give you up ever, but if you break my heat…" Hermione trailed off.

"I won't." Draco shook his head.

"If you do…" She trailed off again. "But for now…"

In a split second, Draco had closed the distance between them. He captured her lips with his, swallowing the last words of her incomplete sentence. His arms wound tightly around her, refusing to let her go. Her arms went around his neck, surrendering herself to him. When it became necessary to caught their breath they pulled away, but Draco kept her close. Draco took the moment to whisper:

"Whatever it takes."

_I'll keep us together, whatever it takes._


End file.
